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荷叶塘

理想的乌托邦 生活的埃瑞璜

 
 
 

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murmuring to myself  

2012-10-14 22:04:57|  分类: familiar prose? |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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i don't know what to say, what to do.

so many people around me are striving so diligently with no complaints, which i cannot comprehend the smallest amount...

does that mean that i have to be in the same way?

i know i have several goals to accomplish, but i know they are never my real, but supposed, ones.

and i know being a housewife doesn't give me the excuse not to try hard.

and i also know being in bad health doesn't give me the excuse either.

but still, i cannot find the motive........

i thought of death. no matter seeing it as a wayout or escape, i don't want regrets.

i don't wanna be lingering doubting the weaknesses of human nature. i've always been taught that if you treated others kindly they would treat you back kindly too, sooner or later. i don't know whether it is because i have no patience to wait till they treat me kindly back or it is because they are vile enough not to  treat me back until i stop being kind..........

SIGH~~~~~ no, not a sigh, but something to make me cry.

i know i should not say anything here in this blog to cause any pain or eyesore to anybody else. and i tried to make it merry, and if not, to make it plain, ordinary, and normal at least.

but so many things are stuck between the throat, and my heart has already shouted out loud, for long.

i don't know if it is because i always had the innate personality to make good things bad, bad things worse, and worse things miserable. at least i know, however, my life should have been happy, or at lease happier. nothing should have been worried in my life, but.........there's always been a "but".

i really hope my life will be put to an end before it is too late, i.e. before some landmines waiting on the impending road explode.

what can i do? everything is doubtful, life and death, failure and success, misery and bliss.

life is a hard, intriguing journey. if there is no happiness, don't tempt human, or me at least, please!

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